Healing Rain

I love the sound of the pouring rain outside my window; It makes for a good background music.

Rain - cleanses the body and soul from impurities, gives new life.

And like a withered tree that was brought to life by the rain, so was I finally healed from my "Period of Mourning" which lasted for 3 months.

I now came to terms with myself, stopped fighting my inward battles and finally surrendered regarding certain  matters close to my heart. I now realized that opening yourself to love does not make you weak. In fact, it is the boldest thing you will ever do. Yes, you will become vulnerable and therefore expose yourself to various emotions, but it is worth it. It's ok to feel pathetic because if you haven't, then you have not really loved at all. Love is freedom. And the sooner I accepted it, the sooner I was healed.

I also learned that love is a risk. Happiness is part of the package but so is also being hurt. It's part of the risk we all must undergo. If we won't risk, then we will never know and we will end up having so many hang -ups in life.

Lately, there have been some issues regarding a certain friend of mine. Now this will be the first time that I will express my opinion regarding this matter without anyone interrupting me or dictating me as to what and how I should feel and think.



To be blunt about it, my friend is in a relationship right now with a sister who loves him. They were already friends long before he joined the team but he didn't pay her much attention yet because he had his eyes on some one else. At first I thought it was just a game he was playing when he changed his status from single to in a relationship but I found out days later that it was true. More than that, I also knew how it came about.

Apparently, that Monday night when they were all together, this sister joined them as well and as usual, the team teased my friend. They told him to close my book already for he will only be disappointed if he continues to read. This time he heeded them because before the night ended, he was already in a relationship with that sister.

When I heard this news, I first evaluated myself as to how I feel and think regarding the matter: Am I hurt that he is finally learning to let me go? Do I realize now that I also love him now that he will be far from me? Will I regret my decision? Am I jealous with that sister because she has him? Or am I happy because he is with some one who loves him and can take care of him?

Quite honestly, I have no regrets and don't think I will ever regret my decision. I am very happy for my friend. He has finally taken steps in order to heal himself which is very difficult to do since we move in the same circle and couldn't help but see each other almost every day.

That left me to wonder- Why didn't he actively pursue in the first place? We were always together and he is a very dear friend. Yes, it was a really brave thing he did when he told not only me but the rest of the group as well that I am special to him, and my family giving him their leave, but he never really did ask me. Maybe he would have a chance had he really persevered and waited until my heart healed. But he was not that determined enough to split the fence, and I knew why.

To be fair to the both of us, I must admit that I did pray for him. I prayed so earnestly for God's guidance. But after all that effort, I still couldn't sense God's leading and my heart just wouldn't give itself to him so I stopped pretending and faced facts. I am learning that there are really some things that should not work out so that another could come into pass.

That Monday night, I could have been there but I wasn't. I was the only one not present and I had no other reason aside from the excuse that I was tired and needing rest. It was a birthday celebration and my friend even came by at my place just to fetch me but I was resolute that I will not go. I am grateful that I did not go because had I gone, it wouldn't have happened. This just proves that if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.

But you know, Fate has a way of arranging what's right. The interruptions that God places in our lives are meant to make us see and realize that He is in control and that there is no need to second guess His capability of steering the steamboat of our lives.

Now I can still hear side comments and teasing from my friends and he in turn is still struggling, but I am sure that everything will turn out right in the end. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I am open to the idea of us but for now I can say that it isn't yet.

Will I ever get married then? Will the right man ever arrive? I find it very funny but somehow I think the man is still out there trudging his way to who knows where. When he arrives, I'll really kid him for being so slow.

In the meantime, I will continue with my mission. I know that God is molding me to become the person He intended me to be so that in time, I will be able to complement him, and he in turn would complement me. It's like being in a team with just the 2 of you or standing in front of the mirror but gazing at a different face.

I am interrupted with the sound of thunder in the distance. The rain is pouring more heavily outside my window and I sigh. The long-awaited rain has finally come in order to water the dying plants and end this season of drought. The rain which washes not only the dirt on the road but also the impurities of the heart. The rain that causes not only the stones to be removed from their places but also the defenses set against the heart.

I turn on my MP3 and listen to Michael W. Smith. I like this line from his song: