Song of Years

Be still my soul
Be still my soul
Cease from the labor and the toil
Refreshing springs of peace await
The troubled minds and hearts that ache

Be still my soul
God knows your way
And He will guide
For His name's sake
Plunge in the rivers of His grace
Rest in the arms of His embrace

Be still my soul
Be still my soul
Though battles round you rage and roar
One thing you need and nothing more
To hear the whisper of your Lord

Be still My child
I know your way
And I will guide
For My name's sake
Plunge in the rivers of My grace
Rest in the arms of My embrace

Be still my soul
Be still my soul

You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD.

When I was young, I always thought that I have no say in any matter because God had already mapped out my path. That all I have to do is to listen close to Him for He will tell me what to do, where to go, what to act, and what to say. I imagined that God is some unreachable Being that dictates people of the courses of their actions.

But I was awfully wrong. I forgot to remember that God loved us so much that He gave us free will and choices. God made the earth so rich and bountiful that we will have many options and not just be resigned to one category. He gave us the earth and all its contents (people including) for us to enjoy.

I always tease my escort and sometimes call him my knight in shining armor. He laughs whenever I do that and he in turn calls me "chinita". The joking is really fun and gets me in the mood throughout the day especially when he wakes me up very early in the morning with his message and initiates the teasing. Yes, it's pathetic, but fun anyway.

Now I haven't told my escort yet that I once made a poem entitled "My Knight" back when I was still in High School. I am currently on the process of getting to know him better and there are of course, still some things that I am holding back from him. I will not reveal everything yet. I will only do that when I am already married to him.

You see, I went to Zamboanga to facilitate a household heads workshop during the SEAL Weekend of the SFC Zamboanga City and Zamboanga Sibugay. I was asked to do the said workshop a month before the schedule but I did not commit because of the very reason that he is at Zamboanga and that for sure, if their tactics would give them passes, he would want to accompany me. I do not like that I will be the one to go to him. What I really wanted was for him to come home for me. But days before the SEAL Weekend, I was forced to make a decision because the three full time workers were already bombarding me with pleas.

Lord, You know my heart
And all my desires
And the secret things I'll never tell
Lord, You know them well

Though I may be young
I see and understand
That at times like sheep we go astray
And things get out of hand

So I promise to be true to You
To live my life in purity
As unto You
Waiting for the day
When I hear You say
Here is the one I have created
Just for you

For two weeks now, I have been in constant communication with a friend. He is a policeman on training at Zamboanga. I first met him the summer of last year when I went there to take a Specialized Exam. My father sent him ahead to my sisters' boarding house to prepare the place for my stay. That time, he was still a striker of my dad - meaning that he was on the process of applying and while waiting for all those results, he stays with my father and becomes like his secretary/errand boy. He waited for me and when I arrived at the place, he just handed me the keys and left. (In the end though I went with my office mates and stayed at the hotel.)

I met him again last November when I went to Zamboanga to attend my youngest sister's 18th birthday and at the same time, spend my remaining 2 days Forced Leave.  This time, I was with my whole family and we stayed at Mercedes the entire period. We became acquaintances then but weren't that much on speaking terms yet. He meanwhile was already on his last remaining days as a striker, having passed all the exams and just waiting for December 1st to officially start his career as a policeman.

My tears fall every time I hear this song. Its like God is telling me that I will still do greater things for Him.

It was a week after ICON while I was encoding the LRs that I conceived the idea of having a mission CLP in the City Jail. Immediately after I called up and talked to the people concerned regarding that undertaking, this song just popped out of my head. And since I have this song saved in my cellphone, I played it over and over again. I had goose bumps and if I weren't in the office then, I'd have cried a bucketful of tears.

Paul Laurence Dunbar

"Thou art a fool"; said my head to my heart,
"Indeed, the greatest fools thou art,
to be led astray by the trickle of tears,
by a smiling face or a ribbon smart."
And my heart was in sore distress.


Then Phyllis came by, and her face was fair,
The light gleamed soft on her raven hair;
And her lips were blooming a rosy red.
Then my heart spoke out with a right bold air,
"Thou art worse than a fool, O head!"

This is actually one of those forwarded e-mails that was sent to me by my friend back when we were still in college. It opened up a new perspective and waiting for me since then had become less agonizing but more fun and exciting. Sure, there were still a lot of times when I grew impatient and sulk around but they don't last very long and I always try to recover and cheer up immediately. I always believed that everything in life has a purpose and as I journey through this life, bumps and scratches are unavoidable. I resolved to grow where I am planted whether or not I meet that someone. Who knows, I may yet reach that bend in the road.
 

A few years ago someone said the words I most needed to hear as a single woman. Ironically, it was another single woman who uttered these words - a bit of wisdom gleaned from her mother, I suspect. If I could tell her now, I would let my friend know how much her simple reply comforted my heart, and how many times it has anchored me when I despaired of ever finding "the one." They are words I want you to hear too.

Having just passed the time of year that privately makes every "searching single" wince - Valentine's Day - it was a relief when the words from this long-ago conversation floated back to me, as relevant as the day they were spoken.

Love season is here once again and even though that particular emotion has become overused and abused over time, it still remains the most mysterious and sought after feeling. Men have written countless prose and poetry regarding the subject and the many disputes and dilemmas attributed to it are innumerable. Of course, what man does not desire such a thing? Only a fool would choose isolation from humanity. But even so, a fool also sometimes seeks attention and therefore unknowingly lets slip that he is in dire need of love as well.


To love and be loved is most fulfilling. One's life becomes meaningful and colorful if he has someone to share his achievements and failures with. A burden does not become a burden if another person is there to help carry the weight. And bliss doubles if someone is there to laugh with.

I will tell you the story of Jonathan Brown
The wealthiest man in Vanastorbiltown.
He had lands, he had houses, and factories and stocks,
Good gilt-edged investments, as solid as rocks.
"Every thing that I have," he so frequently said,
"Shall belong to the Lord just as soon as I'm dead."

So he made out his will, with particular care,
A few hundred here, a few thousand there.

For the little home church in the village close by
He planned a new building with spire so high,
And chimes to be heard from miles upon miles,
And deep crimson carpet all down its long aisles.
For his pastor, a new home, with rooms large and nice;
For the village library, a generous slice.
And then he remembered a college,
Where young folks were taught the essentials of knowledge.
The promising son of his very best friend
To prepare for the ministry he planned to send.
He'd pay for his board and his room and tuition,
Expecting the lad to fulfill a great mission.

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister. Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

Funny when you don't heed to directions and in the end, you end up lost instead. Tatay told me the exact address but didn't pay attention anymore when I heard that it was just along National High School. But which national high school? Sta. Maria or Sta. Lucia? He wasn't replying so I decided to go for Sta. Lucia. I'm confident it was there anyway. However, when I got there, the streets were  peaceful and It didn't look like someone's having a wake. Finally, I decided to ask a resident:

Lea: Maayong gabie. Nong, mangutana unta ko. Asa dapit ila Soriano?
Manong: Didto ra dapit sa Elementary. Ngano man diay unta day?
Lea: Aw...mag funeral service man gud unta mi.
Manong: (shocked) Ha? namatay si Soriano? Pila na ka adlaw?
Lea: Wla ra ba ko kabalo manong kay wala ko kaila ana niya...
Manong: Namatay na si Soriano? Kita pa man ko adto niya...kanus-a lang kaha siya namatay day?
Lea: (smile is fading and confidence is dwindling now) Wala ra ba jud ko kabalo nong...Pro didto ra man sa elementary dapit nu? sulay lang nko adto didto. Salamat kaayo...

6am. The alarm rang. I opened my eyes and saw the shocked expression on May's face. A loud cry of "Daoy! Nasakpan nuon ko!". I laughed so hard. She grabbed the cake from the table, lit the candle and sang the Happy Birthday tune. I blew the candle and hugged her tight. She asked to me make a wish and I laughingly and loudly said: "Maka uyab!". She sat beside me on the bed laughing but grumbling at the same time. That darn clock was such a spoiler. Why did it turn on just when she was about to surprise me?

May then gave me my birthday present - a cellphone accessory with my name on it. Explained that there were no longer any letter E available so she replaced the E with a star. Used the present immediately. Further inquiry revealed that she had also bought similar trinkets for the rest of the barkada. 

Just last month, I didn't have a single clue what I would like to do this year now that I have a lot of free times. But all that has changed somehow. Still so very early in the year yet the wind is blowing differently already and as the days pass, I am more drawn to this new idea: to study law.

This began as an afterthought when I shared with my siblings the changes in my schedule. When asked what I would do with the time I have, I casually said that I would like to continue studying. Odd it may seem to some, but I missed school. I had been neglecting my masters ever since I was assigned at Ipil. But try hard as I might, there was no burning desire to continue it yet although I only need about three more semesters to be able to finish it. And even if I do finish my masters in English, it wouldn't help me much for it isn't related to the present job that I have. So I thought of law and was thrilled. And that spark that started feebly is now becoming a fire.

Since it's a new year, thought I might post the very first poem I wrote when I was still a sophomore in high school. And brave as I might seem to be, I am compelled to add that I do this with downcast eyes and a blush on my cheeks because I am posting it the way I wrote it back then. Though I am very much tempted to edit all the wrong tenses, still I am prevented by my 'better nature' to not do anything and just leave things the way they are. After all, it is nice to laugh at yourself once in a while.